Could it be that I’m not just lazy and forgetful? I have to admit it would be great if that were true. I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately about ADD, you know who you are, and it has me very interested. I think I may actually have it, although I need to set up something with a doctor I guess to find out for sure. For now I’ve been taking a look around at some websites about ADD, I’m doing this while I should probably be working but oddly I’m having trouble concentrating on work today. After looking at a handful of sites about ADD one thing is driving me crazy about them. I don’t think I have ADHD, I’m really not all that hyperactive and I don’t talk a lot, etc, etc, etc. The thing that is driving me nuts is every time I go to a page that is supposed to be about ADD, I inevitably get there only to see that it’s all about ADHD. The link will say ADD, but the title will be ADHD and all the content will be ADHD. Now I understand that they are just different levels of the same thing…….okay, I don’t understand exactly but that’s what I gathered from reading all the stuff I had no real interest in reading. And now I’ll stop going on about that….
So……..I went to Totally ADD, thanks wolfshades, and snooped around for a bit. I eventually decided to try their “virtual test” to see if I may have ADD. I tried to answer as honestly as possible and after finishing half the questions for the first section……I stopped! I don’t know that I was bored or anything, I just….I don’t know, stopped. It’s odd because, eventually I did go back to it and started over. The first question after the one I stopped at, once I got back there, the “doctor” said something about hopefully you’ll finish this test, hahaha. So it took me two tries to do it, but eventually I did finish it. I only got 3 out of 6 (or was it out of 9?) on the last part, the restlessness/impulsivity part, so it’s fairly safe to say I don’t have the H in ADHD. I did manage 8 out of a possible 9 on the first part about Inattention, which means there’s a fairly good chance I may have ADD. I realize this is no substitute for actually getting tested by a qualified professional but, one step at a time right?
Even though I hit on 8 of the 9 questions for Inattention, it didn’t really feel like me. I mean some of them were things that just barely had me pressing yes. Some of it just didn’t seem to fit me right. So I went around a visited a few more sites and eventually came to one, after my ADD/ADHD frustration, that compared ADD and ADHD. So, not expecting much I started to read the ADD without Hyperactivity part, doing my best to not look at the ADHD section next to it. I only got to the first section before I just knew this was feeling more like me.
Under Main Indicators there are things like – Fear, anxiety, slow cognitive thinking, daydreaming, avoidance and procrastination, poor memory retrieval. This was starting to sound more like me but still, something wasn’t right. Until I read the last line – But the frontal processes are intact so these people rely on logic. Whoa, stop right there! Oh yeah, this is definitely sounding more like me now. The poor memory retrieval thing definitely fits me, you can ask me something I know and I will have no answer sometimes. I know I know it, but while you are asking me I’m just unable to access it. Five minutes later I’ll probably have no problem coming up with the answer, and all sorts of other information that you didn’t ask about it, but at the time you’re asking its just not there.
Okay, next section now, Impulsiveness has this in it. Rarely impulsive but can appear so when frustrated. Yeah I wouldn’t consider myself impulsive exactly, but I know I can be, I’d just never thought about it being when I’m frustrated. I suppose I can see that, although, it could just be because that’s what they are saying too.
Here’s one that I was looking for, Distractibility. At this point I swear they are just making some of these words up. This is the primary problem. Oh they don’t know how right they are. I know this is one of my main problems, I can be distracted by ANYTHING! I’m talking about having an intriguing and important conversation with you and then I see an ant crawling on the ground *BOOM* , no offense to you but I’m now more interested in what the ant is doing for some strange reason. This one can really bother people…….I’m not sure why……….okay, I may have some idea why. The first two reasons listed didn’t really do much for me but, the third one sounds about right. Due to their own racing or wandering thoughts. Yep, that sounds pretty accurate to me.
After thinking some more about this, it’s amazing I can drive at all. I am (IMO) a damn good driver, despite the fact that I can be so easily distracted. I do my best, which is pretty good, to block out most things when driving such as people talking to me. I do have a serious issue with reading things while driving but, I’m not sure what to do about that. One thing that I think makes me able to concentrate so well on driving is the same thing that helps me concentrate on work……music. Listening to music seems to allow me to concentrate better when it comes to work, driving or even falling asleep. Hmmmmm.
Okay, next up is Hyperactivity / Restlessness for me. Due to anxiety, not the ADHD motor issue. These people are driven and cannot relax. Daring activities are rare; activities are not for excitement but for relief from constant, wandering, racing thought patterns and anxiety. Yeah, I can definitely buy what they are selling there. I guess my deep desire to go skydiving counts as my rare daring activity, although to be fair I haven’t actually done it yet, so….
Social Problems is where we are up to now, although I’m not sure I agree with “Problems” exactly. Shy, withdrawn, immature. Shy and withdrawn, I can accept that. Immature, I’m gonna have to disagree with for me I think…….at least I don’t feel like I’m immature. Who knows. Conversation is difficult because of slow thinking or missed information. Ummmm, I’d like to say I’m not “slow thinking” because….well….I’m a pretty smart guy, although granted I guess I am a little slow at thinking on my feet. It’s probably true, and yet I feel like I should be insulted by it. Interrupt because their wandering thoughts will cause them to forget what they want to say. Oh, most definitely that’s me. I am always interrupting certain people (the ones I’m comfortable with I guess) to tell them something that has absolutely nothing to do with what they are talking about, because I know if I just listen to what they are talking about I will completely forget what I wanted to say.
Communication – these people say little but think a lot. I really wish they would stop reading my mind like that, it’s creepy. They are afraid to express anger or arouse it in others. I’m not sure I agree with the wording, but I definitely like to avoid anger and confrontation when possible. Time Sense – Time is poorly planned; being late is common but can be improved with teaching and practice. There is probably nothing more true in this long, drawn out post that I’m writing than this. Just this weekend I was late for a vet appointment and for our monthly family breakfast, among other things I’m sure. I am trying to get better at it, and I’d say that I am better than I used to be, although that doesn’t mean I’m any good at it yet.
Impatience – Do not need instant gratification. These people become impatient only after trying unsuccessfully for a long time at which point they are tired, disheartened and upset. Patience was always something that I have had, and something that, since thinking about ADD, didn’t seem to fit. I mean, I kind of assumed that to have Attention Deficit Disorder and have lots of patience didn’t make much sense. They aren’t too things that at first glance you would think went together, looks like I was wrong. Sensitivity – Shy and fearful of others’ displeasure. Shy, ummmmmm yeah I think we’ve established that already. A dislike of others’ displeasure…….yeah, as long that doesn’t upset anybody I’ll agree with it.
I’m not going to get into all of them, I know it may seem like I have already but, I will go into a few more, such as Perseveration for example. A big problem. These will keep trying too long, burn out and quit. Well I can remember leaving at least one job because I worked myself into the ground until I got to a point where I didn’t want to come up with a solution anymore, so I just quit and moved on. Not the best way to deal with it but, sometimes you feel like you have no other choice.
Completely off topic, which may in itself be on topic, I just saw them talking about Tim Hortons locations in Kandahar on the news. I wasn’t really interested in what they were saying but I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of army soldiers in the desert being able to walk into a Tim Hortons, hahaha.
Lying is next up. Aim to please. If they do lie it is usually only to avoid others anger or disapproval. I’d like to say I don’t lie, wouldn’t everyone, but occasionally I find myself doing it and more often than not it is a small, completely irrelevant lie for just the reasons that they mention. I realize that it’s stupid, even as I’m doing it but that doesn’t help me not do it sometimes. This next one doesn’t have much bearing on me, but I thought it was pretty funny. Criminal Activity – People with ADD make poor criminals because they have slow cognitive speed and do not tend to get away in time.
So, to sum it up, this is the first description of ADD that has me truly believing that I have it. I have seen parts here and there in other descriptions that made me think I might have it but this one really describes me, the good and bad, pretty well. Hopefully I haven’t bored anyone to death, although if you have ADD you’ve probably just tuned me out and moved on to something else so you don’t mind. For those that don’t have ADD that I did bore to no end, now you know how we feel sometimes. 😉