People Pleasing

I’ve always been what others would consider a people pleaser (and apparently according to spell check “pleaser” isn’t even a word, lol).  It sounds like a good thing but, people have always looked at it as not being able to say “No”.  I mean even I began to look at it that way.

For a long time that may have even been true, that I said yes or did things for people because I didn’t want to disappoint them or make them not like me.  Recently I’ve come to realize that there is a difference between wanting to please people because you’re afraid of what will happen if you don’t and wanting to do it because you really want to.  I’ve changed a little in this way.  I’m still a people pleaser I guess but, I can honestly say that most of the time if I’m doing it now it’s because I want to.

There is nothing that makes me happier than making someone happy.  I should clarify that a little though.  There is nothing that makes me happier than making someone, who hasn’t asked and doesn’t expect it, happy.  Doing something unexpected to brighten someones day makes me feel great and probably brightens my day more than it does for them, whether they acknowledge it or not.  I wish I had a job where it was my responsibility to lift unsuspecting peoples spirits, I think I would be very good at it, but more importantly I think I would enjoy it to no end.

Now someone who does expect me to help them, whether I should or not, just seems to irritate me and makes me not want to help.  I realize that probably sounds a little harsh, but that’s the way I feel so I’m not going to sugar coat it here.

I’ve always been the kind of person who roots for the underdog, which is probably a very Canadian trait.  I guess I like to do whatever I can to help the underdog out, as much for them as for me.  I’m selfish that way I guess.


2 thoughts on “People Pleasing

  1. I think I disagree, maybe just a little? Let me put it this way: I don’t think you’re a people pleaser (but maybe we have different definitions). I think if you do something for someone else and you feel good about it, then you’re a good person who is working in the universal frame inwhich we as human work. In other words, when say yes to someone you help them, but you also receive something in return (joy?) in doing it, that’s a good thing! That’s the way I think it’s suppossed to work. It’s when you do things and it doesn’t feel good, where you’re stepped on and hurt, but you do it anyways… that’s people pleasing. Damaging your own self, sacraficing needlessly just so others don’t get upset. That’s bad! I’m thinking you’re just a fine, fine person with a good heart. No need to change that!

    1. Nadia,

      You are probably right in your thinking. I think I’m transitioning from being a “People Pleaser” to being someone who does it because I do get joy out of it. I used to be someone who did it because I felt pressured to, which is probably why I enjoy doing it so much now when people aren’t expecting it and so despise doing it when people are. I’m in transition.

      You have made my day again Nadia, you’re far too kind.

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